So.... as usual these days, I haven't updated in a while. Lots of stuff has happened this week. Better settle in

Monday we had our first tennis class without the other people. Basically what happened was, after we finished the first four-week segment, we went to sign up for the intermediate class, only to find out that there was only 1 spot left for it (they're small classes, maximum of 8 people, and we had to wait a bit to get paid before signing up). So we called the instructer and he ended up offering us 4 weeks of private lessons for the same price (!!). Obviously that's what we went with.

It was awesome. Incredibly tiring, but awesome. Two hours of running around on a court with the instructor paying attention only to you (well, and Miko). I feel like I improved as much in one class as I did in the entire four weeks of the other class.

The class finished at 8 and we dumped our tired, sweaty bodies in the car and drove an hour out to Langley, to my uncle's house, for a BBQ. I had been wondering why I'd gotten about 15 emails from people hoping that we'd make it (and even one email asking if we could miss tennis for it, to which we gave an emphatic NO, it's only a four week class, we paid $65 each for it, and it's private!). Turns out that my cousin and his wife (the well-adjusted one that I adore, not the over-dosing one) are going on a one-month trip around Asia, and are leaving...today. So this was going to be our last chance to see them for a while.

So naturally I'm really glad that we made it, got to have great food and great conversation, and then we headed home, got home around 11 and crashed.

Tuesday was relatively uneventful. I just played a TON of RP with various people. Nice relaxing evening.

Then we come around to yesterday.

Around lunch time, all three analysts and one of the consultants packed up and headed out to the indian restaurant across the street, ostensibly to have a meeting about a new piece of software we're planning on buying. Turns out...not so much.

When we arrive, Jen (the consultant) tells us that the real reason we're here is because they're in the process of firing yet another member of the team, this time our receptionist.

It was...quite a day. Honestly, I wasn't THAT surprised. I'd heard rumblings for weeks that people were getting really tired of her tendency to push off work given to her by certain people, or to forget to do it entirely, or just do it half-assed and force other people to re-do it. Everyone LIKES Clare, very much, she's just one of those energetic people that has a real presence in the office, particularly when you're an office of only 10 people, but she wasn't doing her job very well.

However, the news hit everyone really hard. To Bhinder and Kyla, the other two analysts, it was a real shock. They honestly had no idea, probably because they sit together in one office, whereas I am much closer to the administrative/reception people, because I sit with them out in the main part of the office. Kyla was crying which, like, never happens.

Everyone else in the office eventually came out, in twos and threes, to give Clare some private time in which to pack up and leave. We must have driven the people at the restaurant crazy, because it was a buffet-style place and most people were too nauseous to eat, so they would leave, only for more people to arrive and grab a plate of food.

After that, the rest of the afternoon was spent in a very unfocussed way, with people going for walks a lot, needing to get out of the office, or ending up on the balcony talking about it. In the end, the owner ended up coming in (she hadn't intended to, as she had an all-day meeting and was going to go straight home after), and sitting us all down to talk about the situation, get our concerns aired.

From a personal standpoint, the whole thing has made me feel a lot better about my own situation. While I'm definitely going to miss Clare, and while it's obviously an awful thing when someone gets fired, I was able to see that Kyla and Bhinder have a lot of the same fears that I do. They fear for their job, too, whereas I thought that everything was going great for them and I was the only one who felt that way. That points to the fact that it probably has a lot more to do with a lack of real direct positive reinforcement then that I actually suck at my job. (whereas they aren't shy about giving negative feedback, which is great, but difficult).

Obviously, I can't let that mean that I should just relax and ignore the problems I've been having recently. Each time someone is let go from Caliber, it's because they had a serious problem that was undermining their performance, and rather than trying to fix it, they had an attitude about it and wouldn't. And the problem didn't show any measureable improvement for at least SIX MONTHS.

Personally, I can't really imagine just looking at someone who's told you that you need to try to improve something and show measureable improvement by a specific date, or you're being fired, and then just ignore that. Of COURSE I'd be fired then.

I don't intend to be like that. Even if it's hard and frustrating, so long as I continue to improve, and show how much I WANT to improve, my job is secure. They don't expect perfection, especially given that I'm still very much on a learning curve. They expect a willingness to push myself to try to be better, which is something that I have. Eventually, I'll figure it out, work a way around it, or find a solution. So I really have nothing to be afraid of.

Tonight is the company BBQ, which will be fun, damnit. And when we're all liquored up, I expect some more discussion of feelings (because none of us like to talk about that, so it tends to come out at company functions). I'm sure this'll all blow over after that.